Hearts desire vs Gods will
Just picture yourself sitting on the deck of a ship, sipping on a cool beverage, watching the horizon bob up and down, and listening to the bow cut through the waters. Ah yeah no. Instead picture yourself standing on the deck of a rolling ship, waves crashing over the bow, salt water spraying your face. The horizon is rising and falling rapidly, your stomach feels like a churn, and you are gripping the railing with a death grip.
If you can imagine that, you can imagine my life at the moment. My heart cries out to be ministering in Asia. It screams to be setting in an apartment in either China or Vietnam leading a bible study with new believers.
In contrast, while I understand that I have a purpose here, namely my wife, and children; I nonetheless fell purposely, adrift without a rudder in a vast and endless ocean. Hence a congruency is occurring. I need to be here, but want to be there, both cannot exist at the same time.
If you have been reading this blog, you know that an offer has been made for me to work in Ha Noi. In fact the contract has been agreed to by the Vietnamese. All that is left is for me to sign it, and send it back and the visa process will start, I could conceivably be gone by October, for one year. My heart says go, but sensibly says stay. To go, I have to be called. I cannot go unless God has gone before me and He has given me His blessings to go. This has not yet happened, which means my heart is driving me to go, my own desire.
I’ve been offered an instructors position at Clark College, it is only part time, 6-8 hours a week. I am continuing to look for other instructor’s position to fill the gap. However, I don’t want to work to simply pay my bills. I don’t want to work to simply exist. I want to work for something more meaningful, something bigger than myself, another congruency. This is all about me, what I want, and thus the dilemma, how to separate Gods calling from ones own selfish desires? I am not sure that I will be going to Vietnam now. For those of you who had their hopes up, remember, it must be Gods will, not mine, no matter how much one desires it.
If you can imagine that, you can imagine my life at the moment. My heart cries out to be ministering in Asia. It screams to be setting in an apartment in either China or Vietnam leading a bible study with new believers.
In contrast, while I understand that I have a purpose here, namely my wife, and children; I nonetheless fell purposely, adrift without a rudder in a vast and endless ocean. Hence a congruency is occurring. I need to be here, but want to be there, both cannot exist at the same time.
If you have been reading this blog, you know that an offer has been made for me to work in Ha Noi. In fact the contract has been agreed to by the Vietnamese. All that is left is for me to sign it, and send it back and the visa process will start, I could conceivably be gone by October, for one year. My heart says go, but sensibly says stay. To go, I have to be called. I cannot go unless God has gone before me and He has given me His blessings to go. This has not yet happened, which means my heart is driving me to go, my own desire.
I’ve been offered an instructors position at Clark College, it is only part time, 6-8 hours a week. I am continuing to look for other instructor’s position to fill the gap. However, I don’t want to work to simply pay my bills. I don’t want to work to simply exist. I want to work for something more meaningful, something bigger than myself, another congruency. This is all about me, what I want, and thus the dilemma, how to separate Gods calling from ones own selfish desires? I am not sure that I will be going to Vietnam now. For those of you who had their hopes up, remember, it must be Gods will, not mine, no matter how much one desires it.
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