Faith in a dark tunnel

As many of you know, I have been going through some spiritually hard time as I try to understand what it all means. I have been absent from attending church and I am trying to balance it out, to find a church in which I and my wife are accepted.

I have continued to attend a bible study every Wednesday night. During which I have not been able to pray openly. I have also uncharacteristically remained silent and not offered any theological points.

Several weeks ago, I visited with a good friend of mine, we will call him John. He has stayed along my side as I have walked through this. He has not been judgmental, but encouraging and patient. Two weeks ago, I attended my bible study and was moved to pray and to offer my opinion.
I have been in a dark place for well over a year now. In one email exchange, I likened life’s trouble as being in a long train tunnel. Some periods of tunnel travel are longer than others. The long ones are disheartening because you lose sight of the light at both ends. It becomes hard to have faith the down the track the train will turn a bend and a small speckle of light will appear. Coy and I are still somewhere in the dark tunnel, no light at either end.

It is at times like these that one must rely solely on faith. It is hard and there are times when both of us feel as if it is useless but somehow we continue. It is that somehow that is faith. It is okay to feel bad; it is okay to feel moments of despair. Not to would make us inhuman, and without emotions. God knows this. I do not believe that He will condemn me for moments of weakness, any more than I can condemn my own children for their moments of weakness.

Neither Coy nor I have fallen by the wayside. Somehow, we find the strength to keep going. We carry on. When we turn away in the darkness, lay upon the floor sobbing with self-pity do we fail. It is okay to cry, it is okay to ask, “Why me?” However, faith comes in when we find the strength in God and from God to stand up and dust ourselves off because we know that the bend in the tunnel will come and the light will once again be visible.

I ask you to pray for my daughter as she heads to Iraq. And for us to be strong for her. I ask you to pray for me, that I can stand tall in my faith and live as an example of Christ and not fail Him, but instead be a good servant of Jesus.

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